Be the “cool kid” ALWAYS

“As hard as it seems is as easy as it gets?” errr…we’ll be back here in a bit. Stick around lol…

I honestly tried so hard to pick just one story out of my numerous experiences concerning this topic, but I couldn’t really settle for one. So I decided to just write about a couple of ‘em in bits…

I used to be a people pleaser. I mean, who does not want to be termed as nice, generous, friendly, and all those other cool titles for them “cool kids”? But I used to wonder if some people really knew what they wanted from me. They complained that I was too fake and needy when I was being all nice and cute. Then they complained again that I was too proud and shakara-inclined when I was being all rude and carefree. They were probably right I guess, but I wondered, “So what should I be now?” I wanted to please them so I tried to fit into all they wanted at different times… (Very draining stuff right there)…

The issue with this is that the moment you start allowing people determine how you act, you can be sure you are doing MOST THINGS wrong. I kind of figured this out; I was tired of being tossed around so I changed my strategy. I stopped listening to people but guess who I started listening to?

Me!

Now, this was my biggest mistake…

I started listening to myself and my emotions; the way I felt began to determine my action towards people and that was a big mistake. My emotions automatically wanted me to be nice ONLY to those who were nice to me, and shun those who I felt were not worthy of my love or kindness. Life seemed fair enough at that point, except what I was practicing was the twisted version of the given instruction “do to others as YOU would have them do unto you?” (Luke 6: 31, NIV)

The twisted version I was practicing: “do to others as THEY do to you.”

The thing is the giver of this instruction definitely knew what he was saying. He knew better than to put the basis of this instruction on “THEY.” Instead, He put the basis on something within your control, and that is YOU! But it was never designed for YOU to do alone in the first place. And that’s where the other twist of the instruction comes in…that’s when it gets hard…

“As hard as it seems…” the instructor understands that the heart of a *man is naturally selfish, the surprising thing is it’s selfish to the man himself too! You don’t believe this? Have you ever given up something you really wanted, in the name of “sacrificing”, but in reality, you gave it up because of a subtle desire to be recognized for it? Another example is when someone treats you unfairly and you start to retaliate, saying to yourself, “well, I would expect the person to retaliate too if I was the one acting unfairly,” you suddenly give up your values just to prove a point, justifying your actions smh…you are being selfish to yourself too my dear.

Now you see why this instruction cannot be based on YOU alone; there are like a gazillion people on earth, we can’t all be right based on individual judgments. We’re human; our wants and needs are most times selfish. Therefore, you trying to determine what you can or can’t do to people, based on their actions, is a no no. There is a standard and it’s the standard of Christ. I know sometimes it’s hard to be selfless, and remain good to those treating you unfairly. But the more you accept the difficulty of this, the more you see that you can’t do it on your own…

“…is as easy as it gets.” But you realizing that it is indeed hard is the beginning of wisdom lol. You realize at that point that it was never for you to do alone; the giver of this instruction never designed it that way. Have you ever met people who constantly treat you right even when you know you messed up (loud this part)? If you haven’t, then I’m sorry, you’ve been rolling with the wrong guys but that does not cancel the fact that these people exist. The difference is that these amazing people DO NOT depend on/listen to their emotions to dictate their actions; they are led and guided by something much more constant than people or emotions. They are led by God’s Spirit who lives in them. Instead of giving up and being “DONE” with them shakara gang, they decide to lean on the strength of the one who instructed them to love regardless.

It becomes easier from here, trust me, it really does, and it comes with this beautiful wisdom on how to handle numerous cases. I’m saying “wisdom” because there are legit people out there who would keep riding over your kindness, taking you for granted, but that’s fine really. It becomes easier because you’ll get to realize that it was never about them in the first place; not everyone has really learned how to depend on God’s Spirit so you cannot expect them to be “cool kids.” But you’ll have the wisdom needed to treat them well BASED ON THE STANDARD. Hey, it becomes wayyyy easier when you begin to understand that this is beyond “oh I’ll just treat them well because I know there’ll be a reward for me.” As much as this is true, it is still not a good-enough reason and should not be your primary drive still. THEY should never define how YOU act, and you should never become tired of treating people right. You should do this not only because it is the instructor’s standard, but also because it is who YOU are. You are a good person, a “cool kid” (by His strength), and the badness/mistakes of people cannot, will not, and should never change that. *drops mic*

*man: referring to both the male and female.

If you are already implementing this in your daily dealings with people, I am extremely happy for you. If you are new to this and have just decided to start this practice, I am highly ecstatic, dancing for you right now in fact…let’s keep this rolling! Either way, I would reallyyy love people in both categories to share their experiences, successes, failures, struggles, and even excuses in the comment section below. Questions can be asked through the “Ask a question” tab. Blessings to YOU!